Have you ever just woke up one day, looked in the mirror, and thought, “Wow…this…totally is not me.” You examine your hair, your outfit…everything seems in place. But there’s something missing. Before you know it, you’ve placed your finger on it: You are being the ‘you’ everyone else wants you to be.
We’ve all been there before, just at different levels of dedication. Some of us have gone to the event our parents wanted just so we wouldn’t hurt them, while others of us have literally sacrificed our sanity and health to make those that we care about happy. Even at the price of us being absolutely miserable.
There may come a time where your parents, friends, significant other, etc may try to push on to you what they want for you. Who they want you to be. The sad thing is these dreams of theirs come from a very sincere, usually altruistic place. However, if it doesn’t align with the person you truly are on the inside, you’ll find yourself battling to paint yourself up to be someone else. However, calling a duck a pig too many times won’t turn it into a pig; rather, the duck’s going to kill itself trying to act like a pig when it’s not. Okay, I’m not calling you guys a pig or a duck, but I’m saying trying to be someone else doesn’t make you that person after a while. You are who you are. The sooner we learn to love ourselves, the sooner we can begin to demand from others that we need to be loved in proper ways that INVOLVE loving us for who, and what, we are.
Yet, recently I have learned the art of an amazing craft that for years I have omitted from my vocabulary: “NO”. A self-described/self-inflicted “people pleaser”, I realized one day that the art of telling people ‘no’ can be quite freeing, to say the least. We are always taught to give, to be self-less and to care about the general welfare of others. All of that is very important and something I truly do believe in. Caring about others is something that truly rests easy and deep in my heart. However, too much of anything can become bad. Including wanting to help others.
You will find in life there will be someone who will ask of you something that really inconveniences you. Whether its your time, your morals, etc. In that moment, if you’re a people-pleaser, you will feel the necessity to say ‘yes’, totally dismissive of the internal harm you’re causing (yourself). Learn that it is okay to say no. And not only is it okay to say no, but I promise you, 9 times out of 10, that person is going to be alright. I used to think the world would literally smash in on itself and implode and everyone would die if I didn’t always help people when they asked me for something. Didn’t matter if I already had plans, didn’t matter if it was my 1 day off, if I was already sleep…I would always try to help others. Okay, so the problem then becomes when I work on days I reserve for rest, compromise my morals for a project, or do something for someone while depriving myself the necessities. You are enough. Say ‘no’ authoritatively, and stand by your decision and remind yourself of the necessity to sometimes say no. Now, let this not be the post that assures you to always say no. It can’t ALWAYS be about you. However, practicing a little self love each day at a time is all you need to see that you are more than enough and anyone who tries to change that about you is the person in need of evaluation, not you.
Learn saying ‘no’ sometimes is not a bad thing, but a necessity so that you can practice loving and valuing yourself as much as you expect others to.
Go in love and peace, misfits.
