After a weekend of running around (I have maaany friends who are Scorpios, including my own father) and eating lots of Thanksgiving food, I finally had the opportunity to sit down and do some work for TheBlondeMisfit. Recently, it’s been an interesting time in my life; astrologically, there are MANY things happening out in the universe, as well as just life changes I have been making to be my bigger, better self. I have literally and figuratively been cleaning house, and it has been a whirlwind figuring out the next steps as we finish Q4, prepare for the holidays, fight creative stigmatization during the Fall season, and introspectively figure out the things I need and want for myself.
Today, I’m talking on a topic that’s been resonating with me a LOT lately: savagery. Well, mostly from the perspective of doing the things you don’t want to do in order to get the things you want. As an entrepreneur, as a boss, and as a business woman working in very tight-knit industries, it is IMPERATIVE for me to hold my own. When I moved to New York a year ago, I never would have thought I’d have grown up so much, simply from trial and error and really having to learn how to pick myself up whenever things went left. It is easy for people to mistake you as the happy, friendly, personable manager when you have a charismatic nature. However, there comes a point when it’s time to put the smiles away, strap up your boots, and really get in the trenches, and those that are not a part of that unfortunately get lost. The reality is even on a subconscious level, people will walk all over you if they suspect you are able to be walked on. I very much used to be that girl.
The first time I ever fired someone, I couldn’t sleep all night. I imagined scenario after scenario of what I had done, how I had destroyed their life, what I should have done to be better in the situation, etc. The reality though, is that once I put my emotions aside, I realized I had absolutely done the right thing. And when you do the right thing, people can only be upset because they didn’t come up to the standard, and not because you didn’t give them one to do. Because had I tolerated unfair behavior to myself, to my brand, and ultimately to others, what message would that have sent? What benefit would that have done to the situation? Fire fast, hire slow. A motto, and honestly, a lifestyle.
Recently, I started watching older videos of Beyoncé and Destiny’s Child when they first got their start. It was fascinating to watch Bey do and say things, MANY of them shady, but how she indefinitely knew that in order to get to where she was trying to go, she was just going to have to be direct and to the point with people. Sometimes when you’re climbing your ladder to get to the next step in your life, you will have to be the person who does the uncomfortable things. The firing, the removal of your fourth member, the “no, we’re not going to do it like that, we’re going to do it like THIS” mindset isn’t one of being a bitch or even “savage” per se, but it’s about really stepping up to the plate and demanding the things you deserve. If you’re willing to put in the work, why should you not be able to make decisions? Why should you NOT be able to be the shot-caller? Okay, I understand this can be a bit difficult, but here are a few tips I have on making it happen:
Don’t Take Things Personal, Don’t Make Things Personal
Once I learned how to stop taking everything personally, I realized that life became a lot easier. First of all, you can’t assume that someone is making a personal attack on you, and even if they are, so what? Taking things personally only affect you and your mental. If someone passes you up for an opportunity, it wasn’t a personal issue of you. It’s business. Once I stopped believing or equating each individual person and situation to a personal thing, I was easily able to separate MY personal feelings from my business feelings. Yes, you may absolutely love the person to your core, but if they’re not doing their responsibilities to the business? Nah fam, it’s time to cut it. Trust me, as an empathic person, it’s VERY hard sometimes to keep things just business, however it’s a necessity.
Realize You Don’t Owe An Explanation
The moment I realized that a ‘no’ doesn’t dictate an explanation, life got tremendously easier. For some reason, we are taught to “explain ourselves” when it comes to saying no to someone, but we’re not held in the same regard if we say ‘yes’. Realizing that I don’t have to defend my answers really allowed for me to find freedom IN those answers. Realize that as a businesswoman, you will have to put your foot down.You will have to say no sometimes, even when it is difficult and it is messy. However, stand by your word if you believe it to be the best solution for the problem at hand. Nobody will respect you if you allow them to constantly coax them into another answer, another solution, or feeling like what you said has to be defended.
Always Remain True to Yourself
At the end of the day, I’m who I am and there’s no changing that. I’ve met people who are super pushovers, while others are ruthless down to the core of their body. Finding a happy medium where I lay is where I find my joy, and the same thing for you. Don’t change yourself completely to be in the game–there are an annoying amount of people in it who are faking funks. Just look on how you can improve and enhance yourself. Toughen up the weak points, build on your strengths, and do what needs to be done.