Holding grudges can be a detrimental thing. Getting so upset with someone else that you can’t find that you can forgive them or move on from the hurt. In my opinion, there’s something even worse than that. Not being able to forgive yourself.
Although I genuinely live with no regrets, there are times I have not been able to forgive myself due to things in my life, both things I allowed and didn’t allow to happen to me. I mean, sometimes we just have to self loathe, right? I know I’m certainly not the only one.
Happiness is very much so based on circumstances and temperament.
Not allowing yourself the freedom to forgive yourself stunts your happiness and affects not only you, but those around you that love you and wish to see you prosper.
For years, I held a grudge against two people. Although I thought the pain was actually hurting them by me holding a grudge, I soon realized that that pain was hurting me inside more! Staying angry takes a lot of energy people. Especially when that person you become angry at, is yourself. You spend time going over things in your head, eventually resolving you don’t deserve good things in life because you can’t see past whatever it is.
It wasn’t until I realized I was better off forgiving them and forgiving myself for holding on to that anger for years that I began to enjoy life again. So, how can you learn to live and forgive? Well, I’m no expert, but here a few of my tips that may just help.
1. Develop A Spiritual Life- While I am not here to push my religious values on anyone, I will say I love the Lord and he’s never left me 🙂 Even in my darkest hour, the times I believe he’s not there I realize he was there the entire time, waiting with me as I learned to trust and depend on him. Things such as forgiveness are bigger than us, especially if you are trying to forgive someone or yourself for something that’s sort of big. By developing a connection with a higher being (whatever that is for you), hopefully the ideals of love, prosperity and peace help you transcend to a place where you can heal and then move forward.
2. Realize Forgiving Doesn’t Mean Forget- Sometimes, I think people are afraid to forgive because they think they have to go back to liking the person or alter how they are. When I learned to forgive myself, I instantly worked to change that which I found I did not like within me. Those that I have forgiven, I don’t have to forget what they have done. Forgiving simply means you are not allowing that person, situation or circumstance to have power over you anymore. You are free to be who you are, and if you choose for that person to not be in your life anymore, then you are entitled to such things.
3. Remember Why You’re Awesome- As you work your way through forgiving yourself or forgiving others, remember the great qualities that render why forgiveness is key. Did you love your smile and can’t do that anymore because your depressed? Was that fight with your friend big enough to forget all those wonderful memories? While it’s not healthy to live in the past, be sure to evaluate if the good really does outweigh the bad. Sometimes, that can be the deciding factor to someone coming back in.
So what do you do to forgive ? What works for you?
