Hello, my name is Jame’, and I am a cheater. Sad but true, I constantly find myself cheating in weird and slightly questionable ways, ways that make me question every day if I am in fact normal and perhaps everyone goes through these weird…moments.
Wait, okay let’s make a clarification here. I am not a cheater of like…my boyfriend or even test examinations (was that redundant?). Even in my final semester of college, I find myself hyperventilating at even the thought of cheating on an exam. What if I got caught? What if the teacher saw me and then embarrassed me in front of everyone? Or worse, what if I thought I had made it home free and days later been called into the Dean’s office to find out I was being expelled or something? If cheating teaches you anything, it’s that the wonderful exhilarating high you feel may just be short-lived. So is it really worth it?
No. I cheat on TV shows, imaginary boyfriends, clothes and even my friends. I have this weird obsession with never being satisfied, finding some form of comfort in trying a ‘new’ thing, only to find a short time later that that new thing is now dull and it’s no longer soothing to my needs. Okay, maybe an example will stop the judgmental thoughts. I get a new hair cut every few months. For those who knew me when my hair was shaved not too long ago, I found myself fantasizing about always having something different. I’m sitting in the chair and get a funky new hair style. “I love it!” I exclaim as I jump out of the chair and go off to the world to share it with everyone. Nonetheless, no matter how happy I am…in about a month I’m going to be bringing in pictures of new hairstyles. Let’s just say I have consistency issues.
Another example falls when I have imaginary boyfriends. People I catch as I people watch on a Saturday morning are soon replaced by their superior counterpart, another young lad I’ve caught glimpse of merely hours later who just happens to hold their cup right, smile the right way in the light. I can’t deny, I do think ‘what if he were to find out’, only to sadly remember none of them know I exist, and that for that moment, I am a sketchy onlooker who has officially earned her ‘creep’ merit badge for the day.
However, is it not like a cheater to find things they could not cheat on? In this way, I realize I have a problem because there are things I just can’t cheat on, even when it’s no good for me. A great example was years ago I was going to this woman to get my hair done. While she didn’t do a piss poor job, her quality wasn’t to my standard. Later I found another woman who laid my hair so straight, you would have thought she paved streets for a living. However, despite this woman’s amazing results, I couldn’t find myself going to her because I felt obligated to the other lady. I felt like I was cheating. And even if it was my money, my hair and of course, my happiness…I just couldn’t cheat on her…while she was looking.
I’ll have one garment I’ll wear for 3 weeks straight. I love her, I call her my favorite, I gleam with happiness as she gets me compliments throughout the day…she’s bae. Then weeks later, I’ll be in Macy’s and find something new that speaks to me different. She makes me laugh, she makes me feel even more secure when I never thought I didn’t feel it. Then one garment replaces another. I don’t care what you call it. It’s cheating.
So hello. My name is Jame’ and I am a blonde-haired cheater. But maybe it’s okay…or….nah.
